Little Books, Little Problems
by iambutasimplefarmer
Summary: "Dear Little Black Notebook that No One may Read or Touch..." Haruhi and Tamaki are married and who other than Kyoya Ootri, to record their every day! Follow Kyoya as he encounters Suoh situations, all recorded in the Shadow Kings secretive notebook.
1. In Which There Are Cravings

_**Just a random thought that flashed through my brain. If someone would like to take my pathetic idea, have fun. I do not Own Ouran, it belongs to Bisco Hatori.**_

Dear Little Black Notebook that No One May Read or Touch,

Tamaki and Haruhi have been more or less happily married for just over a year at 14 months. How Haruhi has survived this long is a mystery. You'd be concerned too, as every time Tamaki calls me, he's complaining about her behavior since she's been pregnant. He somehow feels the need to tell me a word for word description of his life. _Every day_. Sometimes i fear Tamaki will never grow up and mature. I even have a personal favorite pathetic moment of his stupidity at the Suoh household. It had started with Haruhi having random food cravings throughout her pregnancy, with her dramatic hormone imbalance. Ever since he had to face the wrath of an angry Haruhi when he couldn't find her any chocolate coconut milk, he has been very cautious are paying close attention to his wife and her cravings. The moment was first told by Tamaki, but of course, was taken over by Haruhi herself. The moment goes like this:

"_Tamaki, can you fucking find me some blood-"_

_"BLOOD!? OH NO, YOU MUST BE TURNING INTO A VAMPIRE! YOUR EVEN USING THOSE DIRTY BOY WORDS AGAIN! WHAT WILL WE DO!? WE CAN'T HAVE VAMPIRE BABIES! THEY WOULD BE NO BETTER THAN THOSE TO SHADY TWINS HIKARU AND KAOR-_

_"Oranges, Tamaki! Blood oranges! Damn it! You know, you can be such an idiot sometimes."_

Tamaki called me because he thought Haruhi hated him all of a sudden. You cannot believe how long it took to explain that it was just the hormones, anger, and hunger.

\- Kyoya Ootori

_**Random Craaaap**_


	2. In Which There is Birth

**I didn't think I was going to make another part but this just kinda came to me. Hope you laugh. Here goes...**

Dear Little Black Notebook that No One May Read or Touch,

Last week, Haruhi admitted herself to the main Ootori hospital, in Tokyo, fortunately, the very hospital I was working at. She was going into labor, and after several hours of pain later, for all in the birthing room, out came the little bundle of joy, Kotoko Suoh. As her best friend and qualified medic, Haruhi gladly let me join them in the birthing room. That, or between a stranger and a friend, she'd rather have a friend be the one looking between her legs, telling her to 'push harder.'

Following that note, it was so very hard to concentrate on the task at hand when Tamaki kept being as annoying as possible. He did this by doing simple things like:

"Ha-ru-hi! Is the baby coming out yet." He would ask in a sing song voice.

"Dearest husband of mine," Haruhi would then continue, "You better watch it before I jump out of this hospital bed and kick you so hard, we won't be having children any time soon!" she would finish in a particularly dangerous and venomous voice that told she was not joking. Then, Tamaki would dramatically sob and enter his ever so famous 'Emo Corner of Doom,' and create enough mushrooms to keep the two, soon to be three of, healthy for years to come.

Or something else such as:

"Haruhi, I can see her, the head is crowning. Keep pushing. You're doing great!" I had said as cheerfully as one could when aiding someone through labour.

"Crowns? Are child must be a king...LIKE ME!" Tamaki had stated, dramatically posing with imaginary sparkles and glitter floating about.

"Tamaki, we're having a daughter! At the very least, she would be a princess or queen!" Haruhi had screamed through through the pain, for once, letting her husband and the father of her child, get away with one remark.

"Oh."  
I have no idea how these two have stuck together so long, as much as I hold both of them dear. I have even conducted a scientific research. Without their consent, of course. But who shall ever know?

\- Kyoya Ootri


End file.
